Fun with Ancient Graffiti! (No, not the Pompeii dicks)

Ah ancient graffiti. Thousands of years later, we know who had intercourse with whom where, who consider themselves to be best friends forever, and who was the best endowed in all of Rome. Unfortunately, of all the archaeological sites which contain remnants of society’s ponderings, only that which decorates the sites of Pompeii and Herculaneam has been both translated and made widely accessible.

Here are some of my favorites:

“Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.”

“We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.”

“Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog.”

“The city block of the Arrii Pollii in the possession of Gnaeus Alleius Nigidius Maius is available to rent from July 1st. There are shops on the first floor, upper stories, high-class rooms and a house.  A person interested in renting this property should contact Primus, the slave of Gnaeus Alleius Nigidius Maius.”

“I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world.”

“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!”

“The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.”

“We have wet the bed, host.  I confess we have done wrong.  If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot.”

“Serena hates Isidorus.”

“O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.”



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